MJK :)

never allow yourself to be treated as nothing by another person whom you value so much, if there’s no sense in waiting, then move on. If you feel you’re not valued by that person like you do, then let go. It’s about making wise decisions, not about making yourself the foolish one...

for this is what my soul deeply yearns and what my heart truly desires.

dO yOur besT.. aiM fOr eXceLLenCe.. aNd GoD wiLL dO tHe rEsT!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

let's just say he's dead......(to be continue)

father and son...... i feel bad and sorry at the same time for my little boy, bad cause he might not be able to see his dad... nor feel his dads love.... and sorry cause i can't do anything about it. it's exactly my 38th weeks and 5 days today, and been floating in air.... i'm going to give birth soon and still i have so many worries in life... all through out my pregnancy i felt so alone... although the father of my baby knows about it i don't feel like he cares. well what to expect, i only prayed for a baby so God gave it to me i forgot to ask God to give my baby a good father. so in prayers we should ask exactly for things we want to have. but while there's still chances we can ask again right? so here i am still hoping and praying that one day he might realize things and be a father to my son. he has a good work and can provide at all, but i never demand for anything, only for my delivery but still he can't or he doesn't want to.... he should know it.. even if im not asking for it.... but what to do he doesn't want to....he's willing to give his name and happy about that.. but i want his name and his love for our son.. its hard to make someone to give love if they dont want to right... i know god will provide for us... for 9 months been crying most of the time cause of my situation.... but i have to be strong for my son... sooner or later he will be here... depending on me... god gave me a wonderful gift... so i must take care of it as well... if he doesn't want to give help or anything even love, it is okey... it hurts but i have to face reality and life must go on... it's all about my son now and not me... i have to be strong!
i want my son to have a father, a man he can look up to while he is growing.. someone he can talk to with things we cant... well i guess i just have to face the fact that it wont happen anymore. it hurts me to see that he will grow up knowing only me... ha cant say the word "dad"... he wont be able to call his dad "dad"...

Saturday, July 23, 2011

my LucKy cHaRm

Joaquin's photo will be next...

now im excited to see my baby.. counting the day and night.... i want to see him and hug him and kiss him.... :) despite everything i know i have God besides me.. i know with him i could pass everything and anything.. ;)
at 8th month... still under pressure but i can manage.... i know God is with us :)
full term...
34 weeks... having a hard time already... moving, walking.. etc.
my 7th month.... growing bigger each month... and heavier... and still stressful..
my baby and his gender :)
his name is Joaquin Joerem E. Manansala. my baby's father gave his first name, while the second name was given by my mother... i have no choice but to use his second name so mom could be happy.... im not sure if i should be happy cause the father of my baby is willing to give his name... its fine but he should act as father as well right... ( oh well its another story ) :)
finally my ultrasound..... im excited to know my baby's gender, but i felt sad at the same time, going to the clinic alone looking at the screen alone was not good at all but what to do, my baby's father was far and i not sure either if he would come if he was here... mom is busy.... so all i have was my self..... by the way im going to have a baby boy... :) seeing him for the first time was fine, i didn't feel happy at all... its just normal... but i loved it when i saw him yawn and moved his small mouth as if he was eating... hearing his heart beat as well gave me a normal reaction.. i don't know why... but i know i love this baby i guess its the situation that blocks my total happiness....
during my 5th month... i could really say pictures could be deceiving... i looked happy and stress free but i am not... i can smile but im not happy.. and yes i was under stress! with all the things i have to worry plus moms nagging from time to time.... well i guess thats one of the consequences i have to face....
this photo was taken during my 6th month.. feeling a bit better.. cause im not hiding anymore... although i still have to worry so many things... with mom at my side i felt better...
i think this was the time that mom started asking me... like why im getting bigger, im always sleepy and all... and of course sooner or later she will find it.. eventually after all the white lies and excuses i gave in... this time i told her the truth.. and its normal for a mother to ask so many question.....
going on my 2nd trimester feeling bloated already... old clothes wont fit on me anymore... so i stared looking and borrowing bigger clothes just to hide my growing tummy.. :)
during my 1st trimester... feeling exhausted all the time... love sleeping :) but whenever mom is around i have to act energetic cause i haven't told her yet...
the day i missed my period was the day i knew i am pregnant, but at the back of my mind im still hoping that i am not... but if that's what Gods plan for me i have no choice but to accept this beautiful blessing... :) two months had passed and all im holding into was the thought that i could be pregnant... 80% percent of me says i am but i still have this 20% says maybe im just worrying too much..... and on the third month i felt all the symptoms a pregnant woman could feel.. i started asking and reading things about pregnancy... until my best friend insisted that i should take pregnancy test... so we bought 2 and although i knew i was pregnant we just wanted to see it for ourselves.... so i did... and its clear two lines..... its positive! i am pregnant... reality check... i am pregnant... and so many questions followed... how would i tell it to my mother.. what will happen to me? to my baby? what about the father? then by that time i knew my life now will be different....... but still despite all this i am thankful God gave me a wonderful gift... a wonderful gift not every woman could have.. :)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

here's some more :)

chef mei-mei lol
i dont know what is this, hehehe i just had a pose with this cocktail :D
my finish product... fruit carving!! ( water melon, melon,nata de coco, condense milk for the dip... :)

azhie cocktail :)

my cocktail :) i called it "Azhie" named after my special one :) cheers! :)
my very own cocktail "azhie" made from a jigger of tequila, spoonful of powdered milk, 4 to 5 jigger of water.. orange for the design.... hehehehe

baking cLass

our pineapple pie

i had fun making the design :)
icing for our cupcake (egg white, sugar and food color)
my cupcake
i love pink

playing with my cupcake
mah name

cute :)
finish product!
made out of dough.... its edible but i wasnt able to try it hehehe.... i had a hrad time making a dough...
love it!!

ang keyk bow :P

during our baking class.....
my favorite one, such a stress reliever.. it's not easy but at the same time not hard either hehehe i really enjoyed making this one.. and it taste really good.. not because i made it because it is!! :D

pin me dOwn :D

pasalubong from my oppa :)
missing you big time